Truth #10: Get it Over With or Better Yet, Just Say "No".
Time is not the almighty buffer. Before you say yes, I dare you to say no.
When saying “yes” to something terrible—like a bookkeeping course or a “Frozen” themed baby shower—we will come to learn that these dates do, unfortunately, roll around.
While agreeing to something “theoretically nice” delivers an “I’m a good person” high, we eventually have to pay the piper. And our enthusiasm to do the agreed upon thing will never, ever increase.
In fact, au contraire, mon frère. In the days and hours leading up to the deadline or acquaintance’s baby shower, dread will increase exponentially.
Saying “yes” is the easy part.
So, when we’ve got a daunting to-do and there’s an opportunity to get it over with, squash it.
Order the thing online, send the email, do the homework, ruffle the feather, make the arrangements, do the dirty. Getting it over with before it can fester removes some of the potent stank from the task.
The more time we have to plot, dwell, or oversell, the bigger the to-do item becomes.
Note: Working in tech, I’ve come across countless hyper-productive, 5AMer, Type A’s. One client spends the first 1-2 minutes on our calls power-skimming the shared Google doc. Silently, he’ll highlight and leave in-line questions and comments. Then, we talk about each item live. There is no funny business (I’ve given up on injecting cute quips), but shit gets done fast.
If there’s an account I need access to, a payment required, or an introduction to be made, it all gets done on the call, in real-time. No item is given the opportunity to be forgotten or deferred. While simple, I found the level of efficiency eye-opening and profound. It’s a window into how these high-efficiency geeks maximize output while keeping the house clean.
As we think of a task, nip it in the bud (butt?) and move on. In other words, whack little buck-toothed Mikey when he first pops. By addressing something right away, we save energy and reduce the number of bludgeons required to make it all go away.
It must be acknowledged that not all mandatory, dreaded things can be taken care of immediately.
Things that fall into this category: live events, out of town visits, morning airport pick-ups, public speaking, job interviews, medical appointments, lunches with an overbearing alpha aunt, and really any in-person anything.
For these time-specific tasks, all we can do is make life easier for your future self. Sort out the ride, plot the outfit, daydream about puppy breath and stay calm.
As we get older, learning to “get it over with” becomes a necessity. This is because time condenses. When we agree to something dreadful that may be 2 days, 2 weeks or even 2 months away, it will approach with the speed and virility of Joe Guidice onto his ex-wife Teresa after his 3 year prison sentence.
Time is not the almighty buffer we pretend it is.
Letting a task simmer in the background is a temporary suspension, but it’s only delaying the inevitable. There is less time than we think between our ‘yes’ and actually having to turn over a 3,000 word article on The Lost Art of British Millinery.
So instead of “milling about'' (LOL), get it over with.
While pulling an all-nighter to turnout a project we’ve known about for months can offer a rush, this should not be mistaken with achievement. It’s actually just incestuous, self-constructed drama. The wave of satisfaction from circumventing a near-miss is just stress relief—stress that we piled on, wrestled in the mud with, and then peeled off after panic-yelling to a Rogers telemarketer.
By getting it over with when we have space to breathe, we avoid stress. And this is good for the bowel.
Now, the advanced version of “get it over with” is part two of the equation. And it’s reserved for our elite, shameless soldiers. It’s the portion that many of us struggle with.
It’s the preemptive and preventative strike to cleanly avoid dreaded tasks, events, and thankless freebies.
It’s learning to say “no” in the first place.
While many tasks are necessary for maintaining friendships, employment, or a fruitful life, not all are. Some things we agree to in order to people-please and overcompensate.
A lot of the unproductive, time-sucky to-do’s on our plate exist because we don’t know what we want (or even like). As a result, we just take what’s in front of us and find ourselves procrastinatin’ and hatin’ what’s on the docket.
This is because The Lost Art of British Millinery should not have belonged to us in the first place. It never should have been strapped to our person. It deserved to be linked to some hat-loving freak, and we deserved the time back.
However, saying ‘no’ is difficult. But it’s a learned skill and something to respect. It means that we know what we want and aren’t willing to fuck around.
Did you catch Hello, 2024? Getting better at saying “no” is a top skill that I hope to unlock this year. As it stands, I’m bad at “no”. I am a maximalist, to-do packrat. I also recognize that blindly taking things on is a side-effect of not knowing what I want. I don’t want to close a door in case there is a teeny, tiny speck of cheddar on the other side. However, the 37 partly opened doors of my brain’s motel hallway isn’t good for anybody.
So, we chant: “simplification for the nation!”. Who’s with me!?
I have to believe that with more confidence in who we are and what we want, saying “no” to bullshit (or good shit that just isn’t focused) gets easier. It is better justified when we understand that it does not fit with the bigger picture (or isn’t even fun). After all, we can’t do it all and we can’t do it all well.
Saying “no” beforehand also retires some of the last minute, weaker excuses in our rolodex, like: “I was really looking forward to today’s charity ultramarathon, but as you know, my knee stiffens in the rain” or “clowns make me nervous and your husband’s midlife-crisis-flow is creeping me the fuck out”.
As an adult, no one is going to be there to protect our energy. No one is going to recognize it’s our nap time and tell the raspy, juice-moustached neighbourhood boy to get lost.
People will take as much as we’re willing to give. And in the meantime, we will fill up (or time-waste) as much as we let ourselves get away with.
Things We Don’t Wanna Do, But Should Still Say “Yes” to:
Events for immediate family members that you like.
Anything wedding party related. If you’ve agreed to be in a friend’s wedding party, you will have to feign enthusiasm at ALL events, including but not limited to: engagement party(s), bridal shower, dress fittings, mood board makings, etc. Note: If the bride/groom exceeds 3 pre-wedding events, you are permitted to make a “get out of jail free card” excuse. Guilt-free.
A good friend/ family member asks for your help. Whether it’s reading over a strongly worded email or picking them up from a tooth extraction, if you can, you ought to.
Supporting a close friend/ family member’s live performance, charity, or event. You’re not wrong for wanting to skip your friend’s one man show of “The Godfather Franchise in Concerto”. However, showing support to the people you care about in the things they’re invested in is the foundation of adult relationships.
A funeral if you’ve thought, “I should probably go”.
Something uncomfortable or scary that you know is beneficial.
Exercise—especially when you’ve been more or less an “American (or Canadian) Idle”.
Note: What happened to Ryan Malcolm on Season 1 of Canadian Idol and his sweet diddies and chiseled jawline? If you have any information or possible sightings, please call our hotline (1-800-PAPI-SMEARS).
Things You Should Say “No” to in Honour of Your Future Self:
Helping someone move if you’ve helped them move before or frankly, they wouldn’t return the favour.
Buying an adorable vintage coffee table off Facebook Marketplace that’s located 3 hours away.
Unpaid work.
Something you have a bad feeling about (and you’re not someone that gets a bad feeling every time it’s a full moon or you eat chilli).
A job, activity, or hangout that makes you feel uncomfortable, slimy, or just unlike yourself.
Anything that takes away from something of higher priority.
Anything you just don’t fucking feel like.
As people, we’re skilled at making up excuses when something is hard, boring, or we just don’t want to do it. Deciphering if we dread a to-do because it’s challenging or vulnerable (versus the to-do is not in line with the bigger picture) takes work.
We need to be plugged-in to build a trustworthy barometer.
Learning to “get it over with” is a proper skill. However, it’s only the gateway to the elevated, straight up “no”. A guilt-free “that’s a no, from me dog” is a back to shameless cornerstone.
And yes, we’re working on it.