Shit I am SO envious of people who know. Your post made me sigh. I feel you. Hard. And feel you on the being the person who just goes through life not having a plan but lots of shit works out for us 😄
This was such an honest reflection. Bringing a life into the world is such a profound, lifelong decision. It’s not just 18 years—it’s forever. I admire how thoughtfully you’re sitting with it.
This is a very personal decision but honestly no matter how much empathy you may have or research you do, there is no way to truly understand what it means to be a parent until you are one.
I felt like this most of my life until less than 5 years ago. Got married at 39. I lost my first in an early miscarriage shortly after. Had my rainbow baby a year later. I wouldn't change a thing. I feel much more confident and capable being an "older" mom. I'm so glad I didn't have kids before I was really ready. My kiddo goes to bed later than other kids, so he wakes up later (which is great for sleeping in, but not so much when you want a couple hours to yourself before YOU go to bed, and therein lies the rub: there's no parenting without sacrifice). Also, mine does watch TV, and no, this doesn't make me a bad mom—just a realistic one. If you do end up having kids, I hope they are the kind that can sleep anywhere and aren't tied to strict napping schedules. This has made life as parents much better for me and my husband.
Only you can decide! Best of luck no matter what. <3
Thanks so much! I have the most respect for people who don't take this decision lightly. I can only speak for myself, of course, but my little one has brought me more joy than anything else in my life.
“If you’re not sure, the answer is no.” Something I live by. Having said that, I cannot possibly know what a perfect life looks like to you so only you can answer this.
I really admire that you’re thinking about this critically and deeply.
I had this same dilemma but nearly 30 years ago when it was even less acceptable to be a married woman with no kids.
I had a shit childhood and didn't want to do the same to my kids, I didn't really like babies or kids under the age of 5 and I loved my job and my childfree life.
I don't know if I just caved to the pressure or just decided that my husband would be a great dad- so why not? We had one and then after much more debate had a second a few years later.
I will say raising kids was the hardest most rewarding job I ever had, but if I had known going into it what I know now I may not have made the same decision. My kids are 28 and 26 and really fucking awesome, and I am so glad I get to share my life with them but I totally believe that not everyone needs to have kids to have a fulfilling life
As the eldest of 6 kids, who started babysitting when I was...10? I can unequivocally advise that, if you're not sure, don't. Please. Everything you've written I've heard before and in every case where they have a child, it ends up being 'I love my kid, but I wouldn't do it again if I went back in time'. It's a 20 year commitment. And it's hard. REALLY FUCKING HARD. Most parents will say 'it was worth it' in public, but you get them for some 'real talk' and the tune changes.
This is so well written, Grace, and such a deeply vulnerable thing to share. It isn’t an easy decision to make. And most people, in my experience, overlook just how much thought and internal wrestling it takes to decide with intention rather than just doing it anyway.
This is so good. I, unlike you, have two kids - I married at the age of 21 and was pregnant by age 22. Yeah, if I could go back in time I would certainly scream at myself and say "what the hell do you think you are doing?????!!!!"😅
I love how honest you are about being freaked out by babies, and your whole struggle with not knowing. I just felt like I needed to come on here and say, I thought I knew exactly what I wanted, and then life kind of shit all over that. i 😂 So, what am I trying to say in this rambling comment??? It's ok to not know, and it's beautiful that you are giving yourself space to feel and acknowledge that. That is all. 🩷🩷
Shit I am SO envious of people who know. Your post made me sigh. I feel you. Hard. And feel you on the being the person who just goes through life not having a plan but lots of shit works out for us 😄
Ah, so glad to be among friends. It’s tough to not know, but love also letting life unfold.
For what it’s worth, I drive a minivan packed with kids but occasionally my husband and I sneak off to adults only resorts 😉
now THIS is balance
This was such an honest reflection. Bringing a life into the world is such a profound, lifelong decision. It’s not just 18 years—it’s forever. I admire how thoughtfully you’re sitting with it.
It's a privilege to be supported and uncertain. Thank you!
This is a very personal decision but honestly no matter how much empathy you may have or research you do, there is no way to truly understand what it means to be a parent until you are one.
Thanks Henry! Appreciate the kind note.
Real.
Thank you, Grace!
I felt like this most of my life until less than 5 years ago. Got married at 39. I lost my first in an early miscarriage shortly after. Had my rainbow baby a year later. I wouldn't change a thing. I feel much more confident and capable being an "older" mom. I'm so glad I didn't have kids before I was really ready. My kiddo goes to bed later than other kids, so he wakes up later (which is great for sleeping in, but not so much when you want a couple hours to yourself before YOU go to bed, and therein lies the rub: there's no parenting without sacrifice). Also, mine does watch TV, and no, this doesn't make me a bad mom—just a realistic one. If you do end up having kids, I hope they are the kind that can sleep anywhere and aren't tied to strict napping schedules. This has made life as parents much better for me and my husband.
Only you can decide! Best of luck no matter what. <3
Thank you so much for sharing! You sound like a great, balanced mom! Congrats on making the decision and your fam
Thanks so much! I have the most respect for people who don't take this decision lightly. I can only speak for myself, of course, but my little one has brought me more joy than anything else in my life.
I was a geriatric mom at 35 and 36 20 years ago. I don’t think it was an urge as much as…this is what you do/should want.
And, for me, I’m glad I had it but fast forward to today’s world, I don’t think that would have been how I entered adulthood.
Thanks for your honesty and sharing! It is tough and a lot of external uncertainties as well.
This is a relatable article for people facing this situation.
Thanks Erin! I hope so :)
What a beautiful and honest post. Really appreciate you sharing this.
Thank you, Alexis! Appreciate your comment!
“If you’re not sure, the answer is no.” Something I live by. Having said that, I cannot possibly know what a perfect life looks like to you so only you can answer this.
I really admire that you’re thinking about this critically and deeply.
Thank you Trish! Appreciate the words of wisdom!
Their lack of bravo knowledge gives me the ick ….. but have you ever seen a toddler dress business casual 🥹 it really is a tossup
If your first words aren't, "Take me to BravoCon" it's a deal-breaker.
the fact that kids wake up at 6am and we can't figure out how to change this is a huuuuuge deterrent tbh
Like, give us till 8:30?
PLEASE!!
Lol--I must have hit the jackpot on wakeup times - fortunately both kids liked to sleep in!
Actually, the first one couldn't sleep until a double inguinal hernia was repaired!
Parents, beware of crusty old school pediatricians who leap to colicky conclusions & seek a second opinion. 💤💤
I had this same dilemma but nearly 30 years ago when it was even less acceptable to be a married woman with no kids.
I had a shit childhood and didn't want to do the same to my kids, I didn't really like babies or kids under the age of 5 and I loved my job and my childfree life.
I don't know if I just caved to the pressure or just decided that my husband would be a great dad- so why not? We had one and then after much more debate had a second a few years later.
I will say raising kids was the hardest most rewarding job I ever had, but if I had known going into it what I know now I may not have made the same decision. My kids are 28 and 26 and really fucking awesome, and I am so glad I get to share my life with them but I totally believe that not everyone needs to have kids to have a fulfilling life
Good luck with your choice.
As the eldest of 6 kids, who started babysitting when I was...10? I can unequivocally advise that, if you're not sure, don't. Please. Everything you've written I've heard before and in every case where they have a child, it ends up being 'I love my kid, but I wouldn't do it again if I went back in time'. It's a 20 year commitment. And it's hard. REALLY FUCKING HARD. Most parents will say 'it was worth it' in public, but you get them for some 'real talk' and the tune changes.
But, hey, that's just me.
This is so well written, Grace, and such a deeply vulnerable thing to share. It isn’t an easy decision to make. And most people, in my experience, overlook just how much thought and internal wrestling it takes to decide with intention rather than just doing it anyway.
This is so good. I, unlike you, have two kids - I married at the age of 21 and was pregnant by age 22. Yeah, if I could go back in time I would certainly scream at myself and say "what the hell do you think you are doing?????!!!!"😅
I love how honest you are about being freaked out by babies, and your whole struggle with not knowing. I just felt like I needed to come on here and say, I thought I knew exactly what I wanted, and then life kind of shit all over that. i 😂 So, what am I trying to say in this rambling comment??? It's ok to not know, and it's beautiful that you are giving yourself space to feel and acknowledge that. That is all. 🩷🩷