Truth #2: Shittiness is Temporary

So, in the words of the Celine Dion, “Ooo care?”.

Admittedly, some moments of your life will be shit.

You’ll get dumped, shamed and period stained. You’ll do things that you have to apologize for, and will wait for sorrys that never come.

There will be losing streaks that leave visible skid-marks.

But as determined by the great witches before us, “bad things happen in threes”. A trifecta of bullshit is often delivered by sequential gut punches. For example: *Monday: public rejection*, *Thursday: $1000 dog vet bill*,  *Saturday: scammed by a teen selling a fake iPhone in a parking lot*.

Getting kicked while you’re down is a legitimate phenomenon.

This is because losing streaks (like all skid-marks) carry a pungent odour. One loss baits the other misfortunes in your pipeline to drop. Shittiness is a bit contagious.

So, before you settle into a perma-stank or develop an Eeyore personality after some bad bounces, remember: everything is in flux.

Plus, *most* of your great shutdowns will one day be funny. Your lost opportunities will become bullets dodged, lessons learned, or flare signals that set off change. So, if things are currently shit, you’ve gained a not-so-quiet 17 pounds and your pants won’t zip, who cares?

Or, in the words of the great Celine Dion, “Ooo care?”.

Everything—both good and bad—shifts and transforms. If you’re in a rough patch, you will eventually arrive at a finer, more suitable destination. The sooner you recognize, even mid-shit storm, that your series of unfortunate events are a natural, gravitational drop to keep you humble and spark some fight, the less negative impact they’ll have.

Holding onto the knowledge that everything will be okay is your panacea. It’s the poo-pourri shit-masker to spray into the universe and announce that your skid-marked streak is over. So, stop lubin’ up the pipeline by dwelling too hard.

That said, it’s perfectly normal to feel genuinely bummed out in the middle of a down cycle. But it’s important to not let the pity wear you. We get the face we deserve, and a solemn, decades-long self-pity lewk is a jowled droop.

Note: You can still put on the *character* of the downtrodden, bonneted hunchback to gain pity from family and friends. I wouldn’t dare rob you of that! In fact, it’s encouraged! But knowing when to cease production and get back to business is critical (like your face depends on it!).

When we accept that shittiness is temporary, we’re aligned with the idea that life is meant to be good. So, if your regular programming is tuned into ‘shit’ and ‘storm’, hear this: something’s amiss.

Your life should be enjoyed, not endured. 

And while I’m not a Godly man named Jeremiah, if we pretend for one nanosecond that life is like…a miracle or something?, we may ask: would we have been plunked onto this hunk of warming rock to have a bad time?

Would we have popped out da womb, had to learn math, survived puberty, endured years of listening to boring adults, and been forced to use gift wrap as toilet paper during a weird weekend in Kingston, only to uncover that life is meant to be shitty?

I don’t think so.

We overcame adversity in order to build (and appreciate) the life we want.

Plus, if life were meant to be “unfun”, would we have things like:

Funnel cakes, segways, snow days, Nintendo64, Krispy Kreme donuts, new socks, jello shots, puppy breath, Grandma stories, gifts, turkey stuffing, french onion soup, red wine, free upgrades, swimming pools, sundaes, Sundays, boat rides, gifts, zip lines, hot tubs, Volkswagen beetles, cards, cheese boards, gifts, poutine, beaches, fall fairs, beer tents, concerts, funny people, Chinese food, price glitches, thrift stores, trampolines, bears at the dump, those Dippin’ Dot things, candy kabobs, first days of summer, cottages, Christmas mornings, Keith Morrison, pool floaties, people falling, and gifts? 

No. We. Fucking. Would. Not. 

Note: Fun (and shittiness) isn’t one size fits all. You don’t need to like sundaes, Sundays or even mankind. It’s okay to be a total weirdo—as long as it doesn’t involve kids, pets or holding friends/family/strangers hostage as you chant into a microphone.

Ultimately, if things in your life are disproportionately shitty, it’s on you. Only you have the power to reshape, recalibrate, and recharge. There’s a misconception that having genuine fun is passive. It’s not. So, if things aren’t going your way, it’s time to switch it up, embarrass yourself, and do something to feel alive.

Admittedly, some of us are *significantly* more gifted at drinking piña coladas poolside with an XL side of LOLs than others. But true fun is uniquely personal and rooted in fulfilment. Too much fun and no struggle is shallow and unappreciative. Too much struggle and no fun, is resentment and a thin upper lip. 

Note: Similar to the “you get the face you deserve thing” it’s an unspoken phenomenon (potentially more powerful than “getting kicked while you’re down”) that a life of no fun leads to a shrivelled upper lip.

There’s a 90% chance that the lips of a joy-kill have left the building. Their lippy curtains have drawn! Those lips could deliver a stage 4 paper cut!

Being too serious for too long takes liberal withdrawals from your lip fund (and your life’s enjoyment). So, if you’d like to maintain a natural lip that won’t slice n’ dice, find your authentic joy. And never, ever, allow your vagabond shittiness to become a permanent resident.

Are You Enjoying or Enduring Life? A Very Scientific Quiz. 

1) The last time I had fun was:

a) This week.

b) This month.

c) This year (or longer).

2) When I hear, “work hard, play harder”, I think:

a) This sounds like me (and most visor-wearing men with raspy cigarette cackles).

b) Meh.

c) Playing is for kids and dumb people.

3) I enjoy hot tubs, outdoor pizza ovens, and donuts.

a) Duh! I have my fiberoptic hot tub lighting timed to “I Wanna Dance with Somebody” and subscribe to a bi-weekly donut box.

b) Meh.

c) Hot tubs are for Italians and horny second marriages! Plus, I am gluten intolerant.

4) When it comes to a losing streak, I:

a) Understand that it could be happening to keep me in-check.

b) Think “why me?”, seek a condolence or two, but know deep-down that it’ll all be okay. 

c) Fall into a tailspin that I can’t escape. Plus, I am gluten intolerant!

5) When asked to name “5 things you enjoy”, you:

a) Come up with a set of things quickly.

b) Wonder if “food and drink” can count for all 5?

c) Huff and puff and settle on: things from your past, things that used to be good but have gone to shit (e.g. Swiss Chalet’s Quarter Chicken Dinner), or refuse to answer entirely. 

6) Your excitement level for a free upgrade and/or pricing glitch is:

a) Sky motherfucking high.

b) Solid, but I feel like I may get caught!

c) A free upgrade just means those pricks are robbing me blind somewhere else! (*In my Dad’s voice*).

7) Compared to my childhood, my lips (specifically upper) are:

a) Relatively the same size.

b) I’ve had my lips done.

c) What the fuck is this?

* This quiz is in no way medically sound, diagnostic, or agnostic. 

Mostly A’s

Congrats, you are a master class of fun. You’ve graduated with honours from Harvard’s School of Clowning Around. You’re so fun that Ellen Degeneres (before she became a condescending creep) is suing for copyright infringement. Keep it up!

Mostly B’s

You know a good time when it strikes, but you could turn up the clown. Knowing when to smell the literal and hypothetical roses is just as important as wading through some shit to fertilize that ground, hunny. Keep balanced, and continue to find your fun.

Mostly C’s 

If you selected mostly C’s (despite catching onto the pattern and knowing where this was heading?), at least you’re honest. And building a life of fun is rooted in honesty. But, in order to really enjoy your life and rise from the shitty ashes, it must be asked: if not hot tubs, pizza ovens or donuts, what tickles you?

Even if you’ve been served an extra slice of satan’s crotch pie, you can always swallow the last bite and rebuild.

May your shittiness, like freshly cut microbangs, be temporary.

Next post, is the supporting story of Truth #2: Shittiness is Temporary. Tune in, turn up.