Truth #5: You’re in Control

But sometimes we prefer to pay dues than do.

At any given moment, we have the power to hit the gas, pull the plug, or burn it to the ground.

We set the rules. 

For some, coming to terms with the fact that we are in control can be a tough pill to swallow. Realizing that our happiness, shortcomings, or likelihood of becoming an EGOT falls on us (unless we had a creepy stage parent) can be revelatory. 

It means that we have to be accountable.  

How we spend our time, what we deem is or isn’t for us, and the creativity we place on the shelf, is ours to own.

This is why it may feel easier to cast off control. To defer to the gods. To “whatever will be, will be'' it. We may chalk up missed opportunities and summer slumps to bad luck or inarguable fate. 

We may prefer to pay dues than do.

Predeterminism is the philosophy that all of our life events—past, present and future—have already been decided. The crashed car, late-to-the-party third nipple, or bout of food poisoning were lying in wait—the pork chops were just the vessel.

Predeterminism says that while we can control our response, what happens was always gonna happen. In other words, regardless of what we do today, tomorrow’s plot points are at the printer’s. And they’ve been with Sir Print-A-Lot since day uno.

I hate this idea. It removes all autonomy and discredits the role we play.

For some, this may feel like some kind of protection. Believing that nothing really matters could be relaxing. Getting to be a free-floating daisy out in the “Bwig Wide Wowld” is appealing. 

But frankly, it doesn’t exactly inspire one to get off the couch and go make stuff.

Predeterminism, fate, and luck steal our hard-earned credit. They fail to highlight all that we do to make shit happen. 

Note: For any armchair philosophers out there, please don’t rip apart the academic integrity of my predeterminism explanation. Despite being a philosophy minor, I don’t *really* know what I’m talking about. I only ended up with a philosophy degree in an effort to avoid taking a single University class on a Friday. Stoner philosophy professors, wearing brimless harbour hats and Harry Potter glasses, NEVER teach on Fridays.

Want to graduate University and enjoy a 4 year, 4-day weekend? Philosophy, bro! You heard it here first.

Plus, we create our own luck.

Lucky people are only lucky because they’re doing what they’re supposed to. And while fate may play her hand, it’s because we’ve been playing ours. 

Remember: we are the leads in our goddamn films, music videos, sex cults, etc.! 

There is no overarching, white-bearded wizard that has pre-written our script. We control what our lives look like. Sci-fi, predeterminist bullshit be damned!

And sometimes when we’re out raw sloggin’ it like apathetic, pleated-panted 9-5ers, we fail to recognize our own power. We forget that—despite settling for 3 weeks of vacation and a spectacular breakroom microwave—we have a lot of choice. 

Reclaiming our shameless means exercising our authority and setting boundaries for what we’re willing to tolerate.

The alpha in the room (AKA the person we know not to fuck with) isn’t any different from us. They’re just in control. They’ve drawn a clearer line for what they’ll put up with. They’re not going to spend 4-hours a day on Zoom listening to Nancy’s rambling nothingness.

People in control simply don’t accept off-branded nonsense.

People in control are also less flexible. They don’t cater to others or wait around. They make shit happen by saying “no” to the lukewarm waters that many of us wade in.

Being in control removes uncertainty. And uncertainty invites fuckery. 

> Note: Being in control is not the same as being controlling. While the alpha in the room may also be controlling, this isn’t the aim. The enlightened version of being in control is the confidence to be ourselves, regardless of the setting. It’s knowing that the right people and things will rise to meet us.

For the record, I am not totally in control nor enlightened. I still *pretend* to listen to Nancy while online shopping and *actively* fantasizing about hanging up.

When we’re confident in who we are and aren’t bending to others, people can feel that. It’s cleaner and assured. 

When we own who we are, we cut the shit. 

We control the chaos around us. 

We let luck tandem our action.

Being ourselves is a built-in pesticide. Authenticity weeds out the people, things, and jobs that aren’t for us. Being courageous and honest enough to go after what we want activates self-authorship. 

We can do whatever we want—as long as we’re brave enough to go for it. 

This means: doing things that’ll invite judgment, moving towards a goal not knowing how we’ll get there, taking risks, being honest, putting ourselves out there, acting embarrassing, and giving ourselves the space (and grace) to figure it out. 

Things we are in control of:

• Good (or bad) fortune—While luck is a thing, it’s mostly created by us. Luck is a reward for taking action towards something that is in line with our shameless. Self-belief is a key ingredient in luck. Who do we think has a better chance of winning: someone who thinks they’ll win, or someone who thinks they’re a loser?

• Success—Some things are harder than others. They just are. And the position we’re in—for various bullshit factors—may be tougher than others. But we are responsible for our own success. Getting to where you need to go is 75% putting in the work but requires a booster pack of focus, self-worth, and confidence. 

• How we spend our time—Sure, we need to pay our bills and shouldn’t just finger paint topless on our balcony (blah, blah). However, we also shouldn’t spend too much time doing things we don’t want to. Otherwise, boringness becomes us. Boring ass obligations shouldn’t take up the majority of our precious life blood. So, if you want to shake off your boring and Method Act your way into a new life, own that right. 

• How people treat us—We are our own bloated, goateed bouncer. We let people (and their bullshit) inside our velvet stanchions. We can also refuse entry. Not everything belongs in our world. We set the precedent for how we get treated with our own personal blend of tolerance, authenticity, and number of fucks given.

Right now, we house everything required to do whatever we want. We also control whether we go for it or not. 

We just need to start hanging up on Nancy.