Viva La Summer?
An annual declaration that summer is *here*, and soon she will be gone.
Each year, I like to make a public declaration to summer. I don’t do it because I think this content is good. I do it because, around this time, I feel like summer needs more of my attention.
As an employed adult with early-onset tech hunch, most of my summer is spent locked away in my laboratory (e.g. living room/pillow desk). Most days, I feel like summer is just out of reach.
Summer is our Mom’s old friend who wore the good perfume. She’d come down to visit, laugh at our stories, and take us out for late-night ice cream. She was fun and warm, but for some reason, you always felt like her visit meant more to you than it did to her.
Summer doesn’t care if you hide in A/C. She doesn’t remember the names of your leading characters. She hasn’t catalogued all of the memories she’s hosted.
Summer is just doing her. And if you find a way to ride alongside, cool. If not, she won’t be mad.
After all, summer will roll through town next year! And the year after that! Only your ass will be a little saggier, your stomach a little fluffier, and a new friend will be breastfeeding (or worse—pregnant). But hey, you and the gals may be able to squeak in a quick patio reservation?!
And so, if you’re reading this and it’s early August, please accept summer’s take-it-or-leave-it invitation.
Go outdoors. Jump in a contaminated lake. Make mojitos in one of those giant jugs with a spout thingy. Have a neighbour over. Buy a mealy watermelon for $14. Float. Plug in string lights. Get a new pair of sunglasses. Invite yourself up to a cottage. Get a pedicure. Show up somewhere with ratchet toenails. Eat a hot dog. Call in sick. Cancel a shitty plan. Have a picnic. Get a sundae on a Sunday.
It doesn’t have to be perfect, or even make sense. Just smell her perfume and thank her for coming.
Here’s 2023’s list of things to do before summer ends (I still stand by it—minus the outdoor concert part… it may NOT be worth it).
8 Things To Do Before Summer is Over
1. Swamp it. There is a requirement to be met each summer wherein we enter a creepy body of water. It could be a crawfished river. Or a lake where the ghost of a once-sighted water snake lives on. Whatever it is, take a plunge in nature’s brew for the short season it’s survivable. It’s purifying, refreshing, and makes you think well, you’ve impressed summer.
2. Patio park dat ass. You know those ideal moments when you’ve secured the perfect patio perch and one drink leads to another, leads to a nacho platter, then a pitcher? There’s nothing better. While these dates are mostly spontaneous, when you smell the opportunity to irresponsibly sink yourself into a 5-hour patio stint, seize it. Cancel the evening plan, workout class, or house clean. The coming together of weather, friends, outdoor seating, table service, and cleared schedules happens but once a year—if we’re lucky.
3. Feel the litter box beneath your toes. Summer is not complete without a trip to nature’s litter box: the beach. Dress it up with an oversized blanket and a grainy speaker, and the day is yours. Dare to wade a toe into the abutting swamp? You’ve just struck a double whammy. Throw an ice-cream cone into the mix? You’re adorable as hell!
*seagull swoops down and steals fry*
4. Ruin one shirt with mustard. Whether you’re ready to hear it or not, the hot dog IS a seasonal treat. While some emboldened youth (and seniors) boil hot dogs year-round to scarf willy-nilly during The Price is Right, this is not as nature intended. A hot dog should be barbecued and enjoyed between May 24 and September 30th. And during this fixed window, a spritely squirt of mustard will inevitably come along to imprint its wieniehood onto your tee.
Remember: Scheniders always gets the last laugh.
5. Attempt water sport. Every year, as the arctic tundra thaws, there is a hopeful thought that enters the brains of the cottageless: could I be good at paddle boarding? Or if my parents had bought on Rousseau, would I have been an Olympian kayaker or water skier? Are the skills to “make sport” within me, just lain dormant due to NOT being Goldie Hawn’s Muskoka neighbour? Time to find out.
6. Go camping. It’s a love-hate relationship. You’ll have a horrific night’s sleep and end the weekend more haggard than you entered it. But once you’ve trekked in 7 litres of wine, 1 tub of pasta salad, and 85 marshmallows, you get to inhabit a simpler world and grow appreciation for your fixed address’ feather duvet.
7. Play hooky. Listen, playing hooky is a 365-day sport. It’s a lever that can be pulled anytime throughout the year. Think of it as a fun “mental health day” that you don’t need to be shamed or period-stained to justify. Some days it is genuinely too nice out to work, but not all hooky days are created equal. You’ll get more bang for your buck in August. Do it.
8. Win at an outdoor concert. Picture this: you just bought a $16 tall can, you’ve got lawn seats, and you’re belting out the words to a mediocre band with thousands of comrades. You’re one with the people and you feel young. You also know that leaving the concert will be a total nightmare, but you couldn’t care less.